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SCRIPTURE
Welcome to the end of Jonah, after he’s ran and ran from God, and finally told the people of Nineveh to turn away from evil lest God punish them… Jonah 3:10-4:11
Our next reading is from Paul’s letter to the Philippian church while Paul is in prison… Philippians 1:21-30
Sermon: Thinking About Death
The first time a friend told me about their attempt at suicide, I felt my heart fall out of my chest and hit the floor. I sputtered all kinds of things: things like, “How could you? Don’t you know what that would do to everyone you leave behind? To me? I need you!”
“You’re strong,” they said, “You’d be sad but get by without me.”
“I didn’t know things were that bad! You seemed so happy!” I said.
“I didn’t want to worry you.” They said.
And then I felt ashamed. What kind of a friend am I to have missed that life was so bad for my friend they wanted to end life? I felt guilt. What kind of a person am I to react to their suicide attempt admission with asking how that would affect ME? I felt fear. Suicide is a dirty word. A fearful word. Taboo.
I could recall all the conversations of people gossiping about a kid in my high school saying, “And he—“ whisper “committed suicide!” Cue people clutching their pearls, gasping, and passing the juicy gossip on faster.
Somewhere I’d heard that suicide is a mortal sin – an unforgivable sin. One of those things that if you do, you’re damned. God hates suicide that much. Maybe I heard it in a movie or read it or a preacher said it.
I could recall my father saying suicide is contagious. If he had one 9-1-1 call on a suicide, he’d have several more. And when I’d loss the child close to my age, we were surrounded with counselors like we were now infected with a disease that would kill one of us next.
I was twenty. I was scared. I wasn’t trained or ready for this conversation.
We’re never ready. But we can be prepared. Since that time I’ve had training almost every other year on suicide awareness. This is suicide awareness month. And suicide is at an all-time high in the USA. All of these are very good reasons to pass on to you the tools so you’re prepared should you, or your loved ones, begin to think about death.
First – dying is wholly natural. Just thinking about it doesn’t mean someone is suicidal. It’s a good idea to think about death, to think about how to help yourself have a good death where you die without regrets, without things unsaid and undone. There is a difference between being prepared for dying when it happens and preparing to end your life. One accepts death happens. The other aims to make death happen.
Our history with suicide affects how we react to it. Some Grecians wrote about how it was a noble deed to take your own life to spare your family expense or shame. Others wrote it was a cowardly deed to avoid the hardships of life or loss in battle. Christians however? Early Christians saw suicide as a good thing. The stories of martyrs who chose to die for their faith were passed around with great reverence. Didn’t Jesus die for his faith? May we all subscribe to such! Paul urges his readers to stand firm in their faith unto death – don’t recant your faith and choose death before doing something for Rome or Roman gods.
With so many martyrs, we begin to be a death cult. Church councils begin to purge martyr lists of all who choose death over a life of suffering. They want more Christians to live. The story of Judas dying by suicide is empathized and Paul’s encouragement to die for faith de-empathized. Do you want to be like JUDAS? No… didn’t think so.
Augustine in the 5th century makes the theological argument that the commandment “Thou Shalt Not Kill” specifically forbids us from killing ourselves, since the other commandments were “Don’t lie about your neighbor” “don’t bear false witness against your neighbor” but “thou shalt not kill” ends with kill. Don’t kill. Don’t kill your neighbor, don’t kill yourself.
A hundred years pass, and now others are preaching suicide is sinful. By the 13th century, our church father Thomas Aquinas argues that one can never repent of suicide. (How do you ask for forgiveness when you’re dead?) This makes suicide a mortal sin – a sin that sends a person to hell. This, of course, morphs in another few hundred years as suicide victims must be denied Christian burials. Writes the Public Initiative to Prevent Suicide, “When a person died by suicide, the body would be dragged through the streets; the head may be placed on a pole outside the city gates as a warning to others; and, the body may be thrown outside the city gates for birds or animals to consume, or buried at a crossroads as a token of ignominy. The property and possessions of the deceased, as well as that of the family, would be confiscated. Anyone who attempted suicide would be arrested, publicly shamed and sentenced to death.” ((https://web.archive.org/web/20070317103747/http://pipsproject.com/Understanding%20Suicide.html))
So within 1500 years, suicide goes from a glorious deed, to a sin so heinous to God that God automatically damns the person, and so heinous to the community that the community must abuse the victim’s body, and take the suicide victim’s house, land, clothing, animals… and leave their family homeless, shirtless, and in poverty.
Here we are… 500 years after that… and still pretty terrified to mention someone has died by suicide. Is it any wonder? What a lot of pressure we are trying to outlive. Some churches to this day still preach suicide is a sin from which a person cannot repent, cannot receive mercy, and cannot go to heaven over.
This is not the official stance of the Roman Catholic Church, the Eastern Orthodox Church, and most mainstream Protestant churches… but the taboo lingers. Remains. And is alive in pulpits and in pews.
Stigma. Mental health is stigmatized. And suicide is a mental health concern.
Stigma. Suicide is stigmatized and very taboo. But most of us know someone who has died by suicide, or has attempted.
Stigma. But stigmas and taboos are broken by speaking about them. Understanding them. Confronting them.
In our scripture today, both Jonah AND John are suicidal.
Jonah prays, “O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.” And prays again, “It is better for me to die than to live.” He even states he’s angry enough to die.
He’s out in the desert, thinking about death. Praying about death. Wishing to die. And depending on how you read it… he’s tried suicide a few times and God has intervened.
Jonah is suicidal because he is in so much emotional pain. Miserable. Angry. Angry with God.
John is suicidal. “For to me, living is Christ and dying is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which I prefer.” John feels being alive lets him work for Jesus. But dying lets him gain heaven. And he doesn’t know whether he prefers to be alive or to be dead. He continues, “I am hard pressed between the two: my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better; but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you.” He wants to die. He wants to be with Christ. It is the better option. But is it is more necessary for the Philippians to have Paul as a mentor and pastor.
He is ruminating to them. Considering. Will they be okay if I die? He wavers back and forth in his letter. We know he is in prison, likely hungry, perhaps beat. He writes the Philippians, too, are being persecuted. Perhaps hungry. Perhaps being targeted for violence. All of this physical suffering is making him want to die. He’s in pain. Lots of pain. And seeking an end to his suffering.
When anyone considers suicide it’s because something else has gone very wrong in their lives. They are under much pain – physically or emotionally or spiritually. The death isn’t because he or she is weak, but rather the dis-ease, the malaise, has taken their life.
We don’t call cancer victims weak for dying of cancer. Nor are suicide victims weak for dying of suicide. We treat cancer with the best science, the best pastoral care. And by breaking the taboo and stigma around suicide, we can treat suicide with the best science and best pastoral care too.
When Jonah is suicidal, God models the 5 steps to prevent suicide. ((https://www.bethe1to.com/bethe1to-steps-evidence/))
1- Ask. God asks Jonah: What are you feeling, Jonah? ‘Asking the question “Are you thinking about suicide?” communicates that you’re open to speaking about suicide in a non-judgmental and supportive way. Asking in this direct, unbiased manner, can open the door for effective dialogue’ about the pain.
Asking entails listening – ‘Listening to their reasons for being in such emotional pain, as well as listening for any potential reasons they want to continue to stay alive, are both incredibly important when they are telling you what’s going on. Help them focus on their reasons for living and avoid trying to impose your reasons for them to stay alive.’ Paul wants to stay alive for the Philippians. Tell us more, Paul.
Asking anyone if they’re thinking of suicide isn’t going to put the idea into their head. Studies have shown again and again that asking actually reduces suicide because people get heard, get the help they need, get the reason he or she is considering suicide addressed.
2- Be there. God goes to Jonah in the desert. Jonah isn’t left alone. When someone is feeling suicidal, he or she needs community more than ever. Phone calls, people visiting, people to go to counseling appointments, people to just sit in the dark valley of death and pray for dawn. Connectedness, community, helps us bear emotional pain. Connectedness, community, help us address the ailments that build up which bring suicidal thoughts – financial strain, and poor relationships, and feeling hopeless or a burden. Be there.
3- Keep Them Safe. Jonah is speaking so, so emotionally. He’s begging for death and stomps into the desert. Rather than giving him the means to kill himself, God gives him shade. Comfort. And time to cool his head off, figuratively. If someone is thinking about suicide, try asking if they have a plan, if they have given away belongings, if they’re wrapping things up. It’ll let you know if you need to call 9-1-1, or simply need to be present with them and help them speak with a pastor or counselor… or both. Often we need time to cool down. To feel less emotional. This means we have to have the space to do this – so the harder it is to access quick death tools like drugs or guns – the more likely the person will be able to cool off, get the proper help, and not die from suicide.
4- Help Them Connect. It is the connection Paul feels with the Philippians that is keeping him going. It is the lack of connection and isolation to Nineveh that is making Jonah so furious. People who are suicidal need more than one ally helping them recover. It takes a community! Remember this name: Lifeline of Ohio. This number: 800-273-8255. I’ll have handouts with these steps and this number as soon as they arrive in the mail. Lifeline has counselors available 24-7. They are for people considering suicide, and people whose friends or family are suicidal. Ring up me. Ring up counselors. Ring up school nurses. There are resources. And together, we are a community who will be sure no one is isolated in their fight against suicide.
5- Follow Up. Suicide isn’t one of those diseases that just goes away. Often it simply goes into remission. Following up with people, checking in, is being a true community. Following up with people is seeing how they’re feeling now. How life is treating them now. Where they are emotionally, physically, and with God. I am certain the Philippians wrote Paul back. He says in this letter how he looks forward to news about them. And there’s no way God leaves Jonah.
People are hurting right now. Emotionally we are strained. Financially we are strained. Emotional pain increases physical aches and pain. All of this turmoil makes it harder to hear and feel the presence of God. We are all hurting.
Hear this Good News: you are not hurting alone. There is help. There is hope. Together, together we will get through this. Together, we will carry one another’s burdens. Together, we will walk through dark times and come through them to brighter dawns. Together we walk. None of us are alone. God surrounds us, and we surround each other.
Reach out. Ask. Speak. Amen.
Pastor Whitney Bruno Sermons 